Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
