im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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