I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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