Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
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I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
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It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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