I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
