the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
