ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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