I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
