This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
