She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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