what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
