i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Randomize
