i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
