Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
