i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
