You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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