He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
