I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
