I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
