omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize