you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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