I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
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