Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
