we have officially lost it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
