a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize