You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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