Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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