I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Less talking, more tequila
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I am naked and annoyed.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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