I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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