she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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