JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
