I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
