I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
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I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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