I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
