Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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