oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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