i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dicks are not precious.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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