My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
