...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
