My Higher Power is John Stamos
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
