so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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