Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
