don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
