im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I believe in your delicious
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
