We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
