Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
