I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
