This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
