first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
