My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
