I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
