it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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