Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
