You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
