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I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize