we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
