You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
