she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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