I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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