I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I got her a Nickelback box set.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
