Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
