It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
