Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
