I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
