Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
