I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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