3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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