whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
