after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
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Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
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Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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